Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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