weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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