i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am midnight drunk by noon
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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