that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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