Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
