Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
