member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
