Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
