i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So here I am, sexting at work.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize