Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
