My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
