For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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