dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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