winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
