lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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