If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
