Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He passed out mid-signature
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
