dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
