She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we should paint friendship bongs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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