I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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