i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
