i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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