When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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