There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
