I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize