Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
