Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
