is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
