I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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