I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
