Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
