im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Enjoy the penises
Randomize