you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
