Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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