I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
