are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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