What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
