she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
