Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i've created a new STD.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
