i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
