i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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