if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
