Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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