if i can run in heels then i can drive
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
