A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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