people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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