Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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