I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
