Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
