What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
