My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
