what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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