What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
