beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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