I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
