You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
