Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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(516): View more from New York

I seem to have left my pride at pride

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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(847): View more from Illinois

So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?

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(541): View more from Oregon

he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive

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(248): View more from Michigan

This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.

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(806): View more from Texas

So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home

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