census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize