if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
