WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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