It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
