So drunk its hurt
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
