I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can't turn off my feet"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
