I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
