all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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