you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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